Monday, May 17, 2010

Ironbutt Ride from Tokyo to Kagoshima



The concept of the IBA (Iron Butt Association) is simple. Ride hellllla far in one day.

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I loaded up the CB1000, attached the camera (video in the making), and headed off at 5am.

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Remember Pooey? Anyways, this ride was with my friends from SBKJapan, some sort of motorcycle club I guess. I don't know what the acronym stands for.

The idea was to shoot down to the southern tip of Japan, then spend a few weeks touring around. Someone worked out a map:



The direct route was only 1400km, but to officially be an Ironbutter (yeah, there's paperwork involved), you need to do at least 1600km, 1000 miles, in less than 24 hours. So we actually had to first travel north of Tokyo, up to the Sea of Japan, then over and down.

Some of the dudes I rode with:

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With an official start time of 6:10am (time stamped receipt), we were off. It was raining, but looked clear in the distance. By the time we got up to Toyama, it was sunny and beautiful.

And my rear brake was gone. My bad. If I wasn't always listening to some hyphie mix tapes on high volume when I ride, I might have heard the grinding, metal-on-metal sound that I was making.

$60 and an hour or so later, I was back on the road, with shiny new brake pads.

I was also a bit behind. Turns out, though, that I was actually somewhere in the middle of the pack, as a few dudes had run out of gas along the way. Playing catch-up, I rode on.

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Here's the thing about riding a thousand miles in a day. It fucking sucks and no one should ever do it (on a normal bike). Seriously, it sucked. The first 14 hours, in the sunlight, were ok. Enjoyable even. But once it got dark, shit went sour. It was cold, my brain was tired, and my motorcycle was designed for shorter Asian fellas, not 192cm tall, lanky dudes from America.

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I went from doing 250km between stops to about 50km. Music wasn't helping me concentrate, but standup comedy was. I listened to the Aziz Ansari routine as I slowly made my way over the bridge from Honshu to Kyushu.

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Finally, 23 hours later, I pulled into a McDonalds in Kagoshima, drank some coffee, and looked for the nearest onsen.

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I did it. I may have fucked up the paperwork though. You are supposed to get all sorts of witnesses and receipts and shit, then submit it through the official channels. Whatever, I don't need a plaque on my wall telling me the stupid shit I did in Japan.

That's what this blog is for.

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After soaking in the Ibusuki city onsen, I was greeted by the local cops, lights flashing. Some things never change, and like a darker skinned man in Arizona, this white guy in Japan went for his papers. I know the drill, it's not a big deal anymore. Just as I find my wallet, the cop gets out, hands me a map to local attractions, and in broken English says, "Welcome to Ibusuki, please enjoy." Then he drove off. Life's different down here.

Next time: Relaxing in Ibusuki, an onsen city in the far south of Japan

Monday, May 10, 2010

Golden Week in Kyushu

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The plan:

Ride 1600km from Tokyo to Kagoshima with my motorcycle club. Eat some hella good food. Chill with 7000 year old cedar trees. Ride the fuck out of Kyushu.

And that's totally how that shit went down.

Stay tuned.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Kushiage Time

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Can you eat 170 sticks? Probably not, but until you tell them to stop, they just keep feeding you random fried things.

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By they way, if you try and break the record, I suggest corporate sponsorship. This place is pretty pricey-

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Sunday, April 18, 2010

Shibuya Beer Crawl

We hit up some of the good craft beer bars in Shibuya the other night.

If you like good beer, come with some bills in your pocket.

Keep your eyes on http://howtojaponese.com/ for a real writeup.

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Yeah, Mr. Big tagged up the wall in Amusement back in the 90s.

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It was actually fucking delicious and I wish every slice was covered with their "spicy evil death" sauce.

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If I had more money, would I live differently, or just buy more expensive booze?

Here's the video:

Shibuya Station Circumnavigation Great Beer Pub Crawl from Daniel Morales on Vimeo.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Budweiser Izakaya

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Along the Yamanote line near Hibiya.

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According to the internet, it's rad.

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For like $40, you get:
  • Edamame
  • Some sort of triple appetizer platter
  • A "Budweiser" salad
  • A plate of fried food
  • Shrimp with chili sauce
  • Gyoza
  • Some steak thing
  • Udon noodles
  • Popsicles (!)
And all the Budweiser you can drink.

And there is a "live show".

This shit is kinda stupid, but I could probably convince my next American visitor to take me there. You know how we think! I'd like to see the the Japanese take on the club sandwich. I bet it's smaller and more efficient.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Pizza and Perv II

What does the spring season bring to my mailbox?

(Part I here)

Why, more pizza delivery and prostitute delivery literature of course!

As always, pizza first.

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I've seen the "Cheese Fantasy" before, but they are upping the ante with a "Mille Feuille" layered deal. Dominos brings this one's for the ladies.

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And Pizza Hut chips in for the dudes.

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ぜーーーんぶソーセージ... It's aaaaalllllll sausage.

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This one is called "Cheese Harmony". Because all that cheese oozing out of every crevice comes together in some sort of cosmic way.

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Hooray?

And..... the perv.

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This one is a little bland, so they spice it up with multiple colors! It's like they tripled their audience. Sure, pink screams sex, but sometimes you want to be a badass black kinda guy. Or maybe you're a Giants fan and want some orange lovin after a win at nearby Tokyo Dome Stadium.

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Another boring one, but notice the bottom. Buy 12, get 1 free!

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Yeah, it's a trend of boring ads this time. Why is an oil massage twice as much as a regular massage?

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Ome to Tokyo Time Lapse

Took this time lapse video the other day. Ome is at the foot of nature, west of Tokyo. Takes about an hour to drive there, about an hour and a half on the train. Enjoy!



All editing done by http://howtojaponese.com/

Expect some more of these in the future, I like the way it came out.

Yes, I know my rev bulb is out. I'm slowly converting the CB1000 into ninja stealth mode.

Kanamara Festival

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What brings the Boy Scouts out on such a fine Sunday afternoon?

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Why is this man waving a flag?

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This giant, colorful flag.

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Why has tengu graced us with his presence?

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What is this cop.... wait a sec... go back!

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Focus! Left quadrant!

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It's the Kanamara Matsuri! You know, the one where transvestites march a massive pink phallus around town.

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Followed by this stunning black member. Did you forget what country you were in or something?

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Grab some penis shaped merch.

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Stick a dollar in your hat.

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Enjoy your cock candy.

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In different flavors.

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Carry some wooden wood mikoshi.

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Buy some ladies undies from this rad character.

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Live blog the event.

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Sit yourself atop the big dick. It's good luck! Or something.

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Take lots of photos.

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And get your sex education from this cheery fella. You're in Japan, might as well make the most of it.

And now for the two raddest photos of the day. Cumming in at number 2:

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A Pentium II backpack, in mint condition. That gear is like 1997!

And number 1:

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The Star of David, holding the reigns of a ten foot cock, at a fertility festival, in Japan.