Pizza and Perv - My Junkmail

I get 3 things in my mailbox on a daily basis. This is a given. When I come home from a hard day teaching English or eating ramen, I dial in my mailbox code and get:

1. Apartment ads. I get at least 2 or 3 advertisements for other apartments. These are boring so I didn't take a picture.

2. Pizza ads. These are funny to people from other countries. "My gawd! Them Japanese are puttin' mayonnaise on the pizza. Lookit that!" Well here you go. Shrimp/crab/broccoli pizza.



3. And the last thing... delivery prostitution!



Sorry, delivery "health". The Japanese word for it is actually デリーヘルス, deri-herusu.

The idea is that you call them up, talk about what you want, then 30 minutes later the girl is at your door. Sorry, if they don't make it in 30 minutes, it ain't gonna be free. The advertised prices are about $250 for an hour and a half.

You want to know more? Let's go clockwise.

• The first one says what you can get; kisses, blow jobs (which is code for sex), you can go twice if you can make it in the time, 69 is good to go, they'll come anywhere in the Tokyo area, and if you don't like the girl, you can change to a new one for free (just ask the friendly yakuza gangster with her for a refund!). On the right side it says the girls are in their teens. 女子校 implies that the girls look like (or are) high school girls. They are also, apparently, inexperienced beautiful young girls.
• Next up is the "Ikeburuko Scout Paradise". They've scouted out the best, as opposed to companies that outsource to more independent ladies. The best part is that their girls really like to "Make Love".
• The one without pictures is way more innocent. Their girls will be kind to your heart and body. They will make you feel at ease and relaxed. They are pure.
• Next up is Delivery Club Piku Piku Peach. Their staff (all Japanese) will make YOU feel Piku piku! What kind of girls? Well, there's cute shop staff girls (like that babe you saw at McDonalds), magazine models, college students, ad campaign girls, lolita looking girls, and young housewives.
  
• Last we have King & Queen. This one, well they are all housewives. 25-40 year old ladies just looking for a few extra bucks on the side. A part time job if you will. Looks, personality, and mad skillz. Some are young, some are living the rich celebrity lifestyle, some are horny, and some are pure.

There you go. That's what's in my box every day! If anyone has any fun stories about either delivery pizza or delivery health in Japan, leave a comment. I ordered one of the two last week, split it with 3 other guys, and was finished in about 10 minutes.

NY Resolutions and Shit

There it is, the last sunset of the decade. Of course, my window is facing South East, so the sunset is a reflection off the Tokyo Dome Hotel (I think). It was a good year. I did a lot of shit.



Maybe the raddest thing of the year was this Christmas present I randomly got at a gift exchange.



A fucking vegetable lasagne MRE. Holy shit! Me, and the guy who bought it obviously, were the only people at the party who knew what it was. There was also a tiny bottle of Jagger along with it. I wish I remember the guy who did that, cause he is the best gift giver ever. I gave a bottle of Suntory whiskey to the gift exchange. Speaking of booze...



My New Years resolutions!

#1 on the list is simple. Drink more. Out at bars, at home watching anime porn, on the street after eating another bowl of ramen. That's it. Drink and see what happens. Keep it simple sucka.

#2 is a bit more of an endeavor. My Japanese reading ability is to the point where I need to start.... reading. Everyone says to read manga, Japanese comic books. "Start with kids manga," they say. "Doremon," they say. Well, I have no desire to read about god damned Doremon and his stupid doko demo do-a. Japanese manga spans all genres, from sci-fi to erotic boys love aimed at girls to real life true stories about samurais and other cool historical things. But, I've never actually read a manga. Never.

So, my off the wall New Years resolution is that I will only read Japanese manga for the next 12 months. No literature in book form of any kind. Nuthin but manga.

So the obvious follow up question, which manga will I start with? Not Doremon or Pokemon! A JHS student of mine suggested a samurai story based during the Meiji era. Other people suggested other things. My buddy Nate said to start with Crayon Shinchan, cause that's for kids but hella funny regardless. I was thinking of The Drifting Classroom, by Umezu, because he is totally awesome and it's been dubbed "horror" manga. The point is that I want to get hooked, right off the starting line.

Any suggestions? For those in the know, I'd really prefer if I can find manga with furigana.

Japanese Cowboys?

I know what you're asking. "Is there some sort of cowboy cosplay convention in town?"



A legit question, since cosplay isn't just about anime and comics, but other fun things (nazis?). Nope, this is just a bunch of fine folks who love country western music. Fuckin' American country music!



I was showing these photos to a girl the next day, and asked her if she had ever listened to country music. "You mean like Taylor Swift?" Hell no! This was nothing but classics from the likes of Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, and Willie Nelson.



How did I end up here? I was supposed to meet Keizo, Nate, and some out of town friends for ramen, but was riding my bicycle and got there way to early. So I was just biking around the alleys of West Tokyo, trying to kill time, somewhere near Daitabashi station. A neon Budweiser sign and cowboy hats caught my eye.



"C'mon in! Have a drink!" slurred a drunk Japanese guy. Don't mind if I do. It was this group of about 30 friends, let's call them The Rad Old Dudes who Love Country Brigade. So the RODLCB was having their bonnenkai, end of the year party, singing and drinking.



A couple bourbons later, and I figured I should document this most random of hours in my life.





Slide guitars and shit. Fresh.



Everyone's English was pretty good, but the bassist of the band, David, clued me in on the deal. This bar was owned by a famous Japanese fiddle player, and has been serving the country music loving crowds of Tokyo for decades.



The fact that my granddaddy came from Texas actually worked in my favor for the first time in my life!

2009 Motorcycle Toy Run

バイク



The next day was all about giving. Charity motorcycle toy runs are common the world over, but never in Japan. My riding group, Gaijin Riders, planned to change that. We spent months gathering toys and donations, then rode 80 deep down to an orphanage in Odawara. Most of us put Santa outfits on top of our riding gear, and taped Santa hats to our helmets. Here's some photos. Unfortunately, I can't post the pictures of the kids, as Japan is crazy strict about privacy. Like for some reason you, the psycho pedo dude reading my blog, is gonna track down some kid from a picture I put up. Anyways...





















Thanks for the people who donated, you brought some happiness to a lot of kids who were dealt some shitty cards.

Seriously though, the kids were hella cute, even the 10 year old boy who punched me in the nuts... twice.

And here's an article from the Japan Times about the event.

Booze and Battles

酒 = Booze



Bonenkai, 忘年会, literally means "forget the year party". Yeah, it's another excuse to drink in this great country. I don't mean have a drink, I mean drink drink.



Your best option is one of the cheap izakayas. At the 270 yen place, we could secure an all-you-can-drink plus hella food plan for about $20 a person. Kinnokura is all over the place, and that's a good thing. If you're going for fine dining... well actually this is some decent shit. I've had some downright nasty izakaya food, and usually the more you pay the better it is, but we got away with a decent meal. By the way, when you get a set course, it's almost always fried chicken, fried fish, and some other fried stuff. And usually a salad.



Cheers!



Yes, I'm drinking out of an ashtray. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Shuddupayou!

戦い



Once again, my buddy Guy had an MMA match. This was some sort of amateur championship night, so there was a lot on the line. His opponent was some Brazilian dude. So for 3 hours people are screaming in Japanese, (Nagare!), then suddenly it changes to English (Fuck im up!) and Portuguese (El puncho... I don't know). By the way, Portuguese sounds rad when screamed (scrum?) by women at a fight. Just sayin.



And.... begin!



Don't try any of that fancy high kicking unless you want this to happen:



"This" being a beat down of epic proportions.



A rare moment when pain wasn't being dished out aplenty.



Pretty one sided, with most of the action being Guy punching the dude's face while he was pinned.



Or standing.



Guy won.



Then we went and drank at the 100 yen for a beer or highball place nearby. Quote of the night from my friend K, it was her first time seeing a fight.

"Does getting punched in the leg bruise their thigh? Cause I like wearing skirts and don't want bruises."

Free Art: Entering No Man's Land

There's an art exhibit at the former French embassy going on now. My bad, it ends in like a week. If you live in Tokyo, head out to Hiro-o. It's free. Here's the info.

My friend Yuichiro's had an exhibition there. He made tours of places using Google Street View. But check out when you take photos of a DLP projection at high shutter speeds.



Fresh!



There were these weird cameras that looked like they were part of the building. What the hell does this do?



My favorite exhibit. Dude made little plastic shells for hermit crabs to move into.





More weird surveillance equipment?



Some kinbaku applied to a consenting tree.








You should go. And check out the new French embassy next door, it's hella utilitarian and scary, while the old one is all artsy.