Thursday, January 07, 2010

Pizza and Perv - My Junkmail

I get 3 things in my mailbox on a daily basis. This is a given. When I come home from a hard day teaching English or eating ramen, I dial in my mailbox code and get:

1. Apartment ads. I get at least 2 or 3 advertisements for other apartments. These are boring so I didn't take a picture.

2. Pizza ads. These are funny to people from other countries. "My gawd! Them Japanese are puttin' mayonnaise on the pizza. Lookit that!" Well here you go. Shrimp/crab/broccoli pizza.

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3. And the last thing... delivery prostitution!

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Sorry, delivery "health". The Japanese word for it is actually デリーヘルス, deri-herusu.

The idea is that you call them up, talk about what you want, then 30 minutes later the girl is at your door. Sorry, if they don't make it in 30 minutes, it ain't gonna be free. The advertised prices are about $250 for an hour and a half.

You want to know more? Let's go clockwise.

  • The first one says what you can get; kisses, blow jobs (which is code for sex), you can go twice if you can make it in the time, 69 is good to go, they'll come anywhere in the Tokyo area, and if you don't like the girl, you can change to a new one for free (just ask the friendly yakuza gangster with her for a refund!). On the right side it says the girls are in their teens. 女子校 implies that the girls look like (or are) high school girls. They are also, apparently, inexperienced beautiful young girls.
  • Next up is the "Ikeburuko Scout Paradise". They've scouted out the best, as opposed to companies that outsource to more independent ladies. The best part is that their girls really like to "Make Love".
  • The one without pictures is way more innocent. Their girls will be kind to your heart and body. They will make you feel at ease and relaxed. They are pure.
  • Next up is Delivery Club Piku Piku Peach. Their staff (all Japanese) will make YOU feel Piku piku! What kind of girls? Well, there's cute shop staff girls (like that babe you saw at McDonalds), magazine models, college students, ad campaign girls, lolita looking girls, and young housewives.
  • Last we have King & Queen. This one, well they are all housewives. 25-40 year old ladies just looking for a few extra bucks on the side. A part time job if you will. Looks, personality, and mad skillz. Some are young, some are living the rich celebrity lifestyle, some are horny, and some are pure.
There you go. That's what's in my box every day! If anyone has any fun stories about either delivery pizza or delivery health in Japan, leave a comment. I ordered one of the two last week, split it with 3 other guys, and was finished in about 10 minutes.

3 comments:

Al said...

Did you finish only one piece or were you able to go twice in ten minutes?

I hope my daughter, who you met today, isn't reading this.

We went to "bone ramen" for lunch and it was good. What is the name of the place anyway?

Brian said...

Awesome! The name of that ramen shop is Ganko. I'll post about it on my ramen site later today. Until then check out Nate's (old) post about it:

http://www.ramenate.com/2008/11/ganso-ichijry-ganko.html

Yue 月 夢花 said...
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