Dragon Fruits of the Northern Alps

Somewhere, deep in the mountains of countryside Nagano.

The logical conclusion, to what sounds like some ancient local lore...

Dragon fruit ice cream.

Thanks... dragon and moon?

Weird Attractions in Izu

I planned on having a rad writeup about all the totally random attractions, theme parks, and dodgy bubble economy left overs in Izu. Timing was perfect. 3 weeks of summer camp work, with a random few days off in the middle. While the other staff would take the express rapid train back to Tokyo, I was going to slowly ride the bike around, camp, and visit 80s sex museums, ruined water parks, and turtleariums. All of which exist.

But a typhoon came for exactly the days I had off. So I too took said express rapid back to Tokyo. Upon my return, had a little bit of good weather, so the multi day tour was more like a few hours.

Anyways, here are a few oddities out of the many from the peninsula 150km from Tokyo. Enjoy!

Izu Animal Kingdom

Fairly standard, depressing zoo. But it has a...

... Shinto poo shrine? Elephant doodie if I recall.

メキシカンサンド - Mexican sandwich. A pita (?) pocket filled with taco meat and a chorizo. Hot! Spicy! New!

Some poor kid made an official wish at a shrine. The dream is to have an internet penpal. Why not include your mail address with the wish, T.S.? A no-brainer, ね?

Atagawa is rad!

Onsen vents all over the place. But is something special about this one?

Yes!

You can cook your own eggs in it. A natural hot spring dedicated to deliciousness.

温泉卵, them eggs were pretty damn tasty, with a little local sea salt on top.

Up above the onsen is a whole mountain covered with windmills.

But the highlight of Atagawa, in the South East of Izu is...

The Banana Alligator Farm. For like $20 you can check out a bunch of gators, then see banana trees. Thats about it. But it was still kick ass.

Not too crowded!

Souvenirs include a banana-croc-hybrid plush.

Rad banana ice cream.

And a plate of banana curry.

I will be back again, and when I do, I will be sure to hit up some enka music museums, wasabi farms, and other random things.

Izu... for when you did everything else.

August 2011

Weird bubble economy theme parks in Izu.

Hiking the hell out of mountains.

Eating.

More to come...

The Japanese License Renewal, a Comedy of Errors

I set out from the hotel at about 1pm, plenty of time to make it back to Tokyo via the winding mountain roads. The weather was a crisp 18 degrees, and the recent rain meant that countryside Japan was as green as it gets. To top off the 'normal' beauty of this day, I came across... Butterfly Mountain?

Pretty cool! The route I rode through Nozawa and Shiga Kogen was spectacular. I highly recommend it (the 292 and 502, for those keeping track). The day was winding down, and I descended into Kusatsu Onsen, the most famous onsen town in Japan. I had no plans to stop, so I just continued down the 292 towards Tokyo.

But then the 292 split into a pair of 292s, and I missed the one heading towards home. No problem, I busted a sneaky right onto an alley with hopes of making a shortcut back.

I turned onto a one way road.

With a cop on it.

Oops, my bad. I know the drill; license, gaijin card, big smile and some broken Japanese. At the worst it's a 6000 yen ticket.

Scratch that, at worst, your license expired 2 months ago.

Yeah... so that happened.

The cops were actually kind of cool about it. In Japan your first license will expire after 3 years. I think I thought that it was 5, but honestly the only time I've looked at my driver's license was to show people what I look like with a skeazy goatee. After a few hours of paperwork, the cops said I could leave the bike there (Kusatsu is about 3 hours drive from Tokyo, 5 if you take a bus). They also tore up the wrong way ticket. Thanks bro!

The police station was right across the street from the bus terminal, and every 2 hours there is an express to Shinjuku. Convenient! That's what the cop said as he walked me over to the station. 'In fact, there goes one now'.

That would be the the 5pm bus passing us. That would also be the last bus to Tokyo for the day.

I thought about hitching, but the minute I made my sign, the sky opened up and it started pouring rain.

Which meant that the only option I had was to wait around until 6:40, take a bus to some crazy countryside train station, then take local trains all the way home. It's not that bad, just long, and I finally got back home after midnight.

My bike is siting in the police parking lot, a few hundred kilometers away.

How to Renew a License in Japan

Easy! Apparently I should have received a letter in the mail reminding me about the renewal. But even if you didn't get that, just go to the local driving center. No appointment needed.

All I brought was my gaijin card and my expired license. And cash.

You will spend the first hour running around to windows. Eye check, pay them, take a photo for the application, take another photo for the license, pay some more, then head up to the classroom. Now get ready for the fun! A 2 hour lecture. It was some guy just talking about how seatbelts are good, and drunk driving is bad. There is a test, with 30 something yes/no questions. But no one checks your answers. Feel free to play Angry Birds the whole time. Also a video with some comically bad acting. Then they interview a mom whose son was killed by a driver. Then you are done. Go get your license, it's waiting for you.

By the way, it cost me 5800 yen, which is 200 yen less than the ticket that the police tore up. So... I made money! Right?

Day 31: Apartment Hoops

July 24th, just over 1 month after I became homeless in Tokyo.

Here's where I rant about the hoops you need to jump through to get an apartment in Tokyo. Don't worry, it ends shitty!

So first off, recognize that you will be dealing with a lot of people. There are more players than you are used to if you are from America. Everytime I rented back in Cali, you just paid some dude 1st and last month's rent and you were good. Not the same.

Break it down!

Real Estate Company - Fudosan - 不動産

When you rent an apartment, you do it through a real estate company, rarely direct from the owner. These companies are everywhere, especially near the stations.

Management Company - Kanri Gaisha - 管理会社

The company that... manages stuff. Not sure, but they probably maintain the grounds and security and what not. If you, the tenant, have a problem, you go to the real estate company. I guess they go to the management in turn. Whatever. It's some dudes who take a cut.

Guarantee Company - Hoshonin Gaisha - 保証人会社

This is some old bullshit going on, so let me explain it. If you are a foreigner, or a woman, or young, you need to have someone co-sign your place. Fair enough. But they have to be Japanese, and usually rich, and usually a relative. If you can't pay rent, they are liable. Since most poor people don't have rich family, you can pay a guarantee company, like an insurance policy.

Owner - アスーホル

This is the guy who actually owns the place. He can take a backseat the whole time, and usually does. Just some guy collecting a check, maybe living in the same building. You don't deal with them directly. Sometimes the owner subleases to another owner, who then rents it out to you. This is the homeboy who get's your reikin as well. The no-explanation gift-money that only exists in Japan.

When I first started looking, I was yet to be homeless, and very casually expressed interest in a room in Higashi-Nakano, a few minutes train from busy Shinjuku station. I dragged my feet at all the expenses; the gift money, the real estate fee, the 2 month deposit. When I became homeless, I quieted the stingy little man inside and said, 'Whatever, I just want a room. I'll pay.' Money talks, bullshit walks.

So... first month's rent is $1000, yachin, 家賃. Fine. Deposit, shikikin, 敷金, is another $1000. Ok. $1000 for the real estate company, chukai tesuryo, 仲介手数料, and $1000 for the owner's gift money, reikin, 礼金. This is normal. Now, $500 to the guarantor, hoshokin, 保証金 (?). Not bad, I thought it would be a whole month's rent. Like I said, I don't really care, I just want to move. I'll think about all the cool stuff I could have bought with that cash at a later date.

Then came the hoops. My visa renewal had been OKed, but since my passport was stolen, I needed to wait for that to arrive before I could get the new visa. Also my Alien Card shows that I have overstayed my legal welcome in Japan. So the Alien Card is waiting on the visa stamp, which is waiting on the passport, which is waiting on the American embassy. And, I don't have a stable address, so I'm relying on my work address. A job that I am now on summer holiday from. Every one of these steps requires roughly half a day of riding trains and filling out forms. And every one of the aforementioned companies is confused as hell as to what is going on, so I'm trying to explain to them the situation on a daily basis.

Then came more hoops. All the aforementioned companies want proof that I can pay. The fact that I'm about to give them like $7000 up front isn't enough, they want my tax slips from last year. Proof of income. Which is normal, but remember, all my stuff was stolen. That includes paperwork. So now I have to go to my job and request some papers. More time. Oh, I have 4 sources of income. More time times 4.

I actually don't mind wasting time on this stuff. But in the summer, I go away for almost 2 months to work at summer camps, far away from Tokyo, and don't have internet. My dream was to get the ball rolling, then be able to move the day after I got back. I was working from 9am until 9pm, and didn't get cell reception anyways, so I was out of any sort of loop that might exist between all these people who want my money.

Then the waiting game. A week later, standing on the top of a mountain in Izu (only place with cell reception near my camp), I got word that the guarantor gave the go ahead. Later still, the management company decided that I was worthy. Then, a week after that, the owner himself chimed in.

Rejected.

No reason. Just rejected.

The place had multiple vacancies, so your guess is as good as mine. I'm trying to stay away from the 'He must be a xenophobe' angle, but I can't think of any other possibility. Fucking racist. Maybe?

So now I'm jumping through hoops, again, with a different room. And going back for another couple weeks of summer camp.

Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, and Day 16.

Day 16: Legal Advice

As soon as this whole mess started going down, I asked for advice from friends and colleagues living in Japan. What followed was a slew of suggestions. Most leaned to the side of, 'You should take a giant poop on the floor, that'll show em!'

Of course, there was the expected 'Break everything!' tidbit. The most evil award goes to 'Milk-chicken-bomb.' Tempting.

But the one universal piece of advice was to seek legal council. Surely, when someone breaks into your apartment and illegally evicts you, a law may have been broken, and civil retribution is possible.

The Tokyo Bar Association provides 30 minute legal consultations 4 times a week. They will provide an interpreter to translate the difficult Japanese legal jargon into English. Gotta make a reservation in Japanese though.

My 30 minute, $50 consultation went as follows:

0:00 to 0:15 - Explain the situation. I wrote out a timeline with major dates and parties involved. The lawyer was pleased that I came prepared.

0:15 to 0:20 - The dreaded doshio... what do we do? Yeah, the lawyers were shocked that something like this could have happened in Japan.

0:20 to 0:30 - Advice time!

Basically it comes down to who was the legal landlord of my apartment at the time of the break in. My landlord is involved in a court battle with another landlord, the one, I'm assuming, who perpetrated this whole deal. I've been looking at it as theft this whole time, but it could also be seen as some sort of shady eviction. Shady... yet not so illegal. Anyways, if it is someday decided that my guy was the owner on June 23rd, 2011, then I can take legal action against the bastards who did this to me.

If it is decided that my guy was not the legal landlord at the time of the... eviction... then tough shit. I could potentially take legal action against him for giving me a false contract. But... it can be shown that I was aware of the situation, and not tricked by my landlord into signing false documents.

Let me try and explain. My rent was so low that only an idiot would be unaware that something was up. I know that the c'mon... is this guy serious defense is full of holes, but it was pretty obvious that something was up. How low was my rent? Facts and figures at a later date, but somewhere below 50% of the normal rent in my building. When explaining myself to police, or lawyers, or random dudes on the train, I always lose credibility when I mention the rent I was paying. Truth be told, I had a good run. I estimate that over the 2 years I was there, I saved enough to buy a new KTM 990 SM touring edition with the optional anodized luggage.

Funny though, I'm still driving the 20 year old Honda CB1000 with the bag-and-bungee-cord luggage option.

So now it's just a waiting game. How long? Probably forever. Court cases like this have been known to drag on for decades in Japan. And since I have left the apartment, I don't have much of a connection to the going-ons. I doubt I will ever have contact with that landlord again. And I need to wait until his thing is over before my thing can begin.

Is that the end of this story? No violence? No retribution? Just a pfffftttt (sound of a balloon deflating)? Could very well be. I'll be away from computers in general for over a month, doing my seasonal summer camp in the countryside. The police told me that they will start their investigation now, but my lack of confidence in their abilities towards this matter are probably with merit, and I may have heard the last of them.

Thanks for listening. Of course, advice is always welcome (non-poop advice I should clarify).

And here's a video of my new home:

Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, and Day 16.

Day 12: Search Warrant

Monday, July 4th.

So the cops are all set to execute the search warrant on the room next to mine. You know, the room with all of my stolen goods in it. They said they would do it at 10am. I arrive at 10am, with a rented truck, to hopefully get all the shit I own on earth back.

'We are waiting for the owner of the room to come with the key,' says the cop. What?!? The dude who possibly jacked my stuff is coming down? I don't know if that is good or bad. Anyways, he shows up 90 minutes late.

Of course, his key doesn't work.

So the cops call down a locksmith. But they also need a 3rd party witness, so we wait around for a fireman or something to show up.

It's all just more wasted time. Meanwhile the cops and owners of the room are crackin jokes like a couple of school chums, and the translator is giving me almost nothing.

Don't worry, it gets more uneventful as the day goes on.

Finally the locksmith starts drilling. I remember the other locksmith from before, dude took 2 hours. This guy took about 2 minutes. And his drill was almost silent. It just melted through the metal.

Once in, I saw all my stuff there. Relief flooded over me. There is my hard drive with 10 years of photos on it. And there are my underwears. I guess that's all I really care about. I already spent $135 for the new passport, $20 for the new bank book, and $150 for a new motorcycle key. What more do I really need?

I don't want to get started on the amount of cash I've wasted on bullshit in the past week. It's been a lot. Irrelevant.

Police dust for prints, then take mine and the owner's. By the way, he's not like the 'owner' owner, more like a manager. The room has been empty for a few months as far as I can tell.

After that, the cops let me take it away. I start ferrying it to my friend's place, which is about an hour for each load if you count loading and unloading times. So after 3 hours, it's all done.

I say goodbye, and that's it. Seriously, it was an uneventful day, aside from getting my stuff back. It seems like everything is there, though a few things got ruined because they tossed a bottle of maple syrup with a loose cap in.

I'm sure you've pieced a few things together, and realized that this was no ordinary smash-and-grab type robbery. At this time, I'm going to refrain from writing about the parties involved, or my theories, or past indicators that something like this was a possibility. There is an open investigation, and I'm going to shut up now. Sorry.

Next step? Well, my friend's place is a damn mess with all my stuff, and he comes back to Japan in a couple days. So I've got 3 different real estate connections scouring for a new place for me. I thought I'd try and just crash on people's couches for the summer, but realized that is kind of retarded and I would end up kind of being a dick to some of my closest friends.

My next post will probably be a rant about how jacked the rental system is out here, and as soon as you make terms with it, they jack you again because your skin is white. Or a rant about how old ladies watch the garbage depositories like hawks, lest you put a plastic bottle in the incorrect bin, even though it all gets incinerated anyways. Or a rant about how rad maple syrup is and that I am all out because that stuff was dumped all over my books and stereo equipment.

Here's a video of all my crap at by buddy's place. Sorry dude!

Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, and Day 16.

Day 6: Detective Work

Tuesday, June 28th.

So I'm sitting at work, thinking about the situation. Thinking about the police.

I mean the Japanese police.

I mean, surely they must be on the case. What would be the first step in investigating this sort of thing. Surely they went door to door in my apartment building, looking for evidence.

Then I thought about the police in this country, and realized that they probably didn't do anything.

So I thought about where to start. If Conan can do it, so can I!

The question is simple; how can they break in to my place, pack up all my stuff, move it out, and be gone in about 3 hours. Of course, I made it easier by having half of my belongings in moving boxes. Not only that, but I had empty moving boxes and packing tape ready to go for the rest. But still, they moved fast.

The answer was simple, they moved it all to another room in the building.

But that's so god damned simple. The police must have explored that route. Out of curiosity I went to check things out.

I'm in my room (which has no lock on it at the moment). I go onto the balcony. I lean out. I look in the room next to me, a room that has been empty for at least 2 months.

And...

There's my shit! I can see some moving boxes, my desk, a bottle of Patron tequila. 100% mine. Unbelievable.

Back to the cops, explained to them what's going on, got the investigators to come down.

Getting shit done.

We went back and I showed the police.

Then, those dreaded words... doshio... what do we do? It's my stuff, stolen from my room and put into another. But, that room is owned by someone, and they can't just go smashing in. There's paperwork to be done, warrants to be signed, and procedure to be followed.

And time to be wasted.

Speaking of time, It's now day 10, and the police have finally set a date to execute the warrant. Day 12, in the morning, I'll meet them at my room, they will break in to the neighbors apartment, and I will find out if the thieves were simply using the room for storage or if they took the good stuff and left the undesirables behind. Fuckers obviously don't know how much Patron tequila costs in this country!

The police said that I have to take my belongings on the spot, after they do some minor police work like dusting for prints. Not that I would, but they told me I can't move anything back into my original room. Luckily my friend J's place is big, and he's out of town, so I can rent a truck and take it all there.

Soon... soon this chapter will be over. Then I can focus on finding a new apartment, and suing anyone and everyone I can. I've been told by legal council that in a civil court, the old owner, the new owner, the owner of the adjacent apartment, and the building management are all possibly liable. I'm not the type of person to sue, or hold grudges, or even really get upset for that matter, but I think this would be an interesting story.

Next update's gonna be a big one!

Oh, and some people sent pity money to my paypal account (macduckston@gmail.com). You guys are awesome! I used some of it to buy teaching materials for my kid's classes, and most of it to get good and drunk!

Read more of this saga at Day 1, Day 2, Day 5, Day 6, Day 12, and Day 16.