Hong Kong is Hella Crunk

You heard me... CRUNK!



Many people think of China and they think of pollution, cramped living in run down buildings, and dilapidated old harbors. Even though Hong Kong is separate from mainland China, this holds fairly true. Look down at your feet and you see cockroaches running between trash piles. Look up, though, and the skyscrapers reek of money.

This is common enough around the world, a huge gap in the dichotomy of rich and poor. But the air here.. the feeling was that money is so much more important than other things. Sure, the average guy wakes up and does Tai Chi in the park each morning, but as soon as he's finished, it's time to get that cash.



So what will you do when you acquire your wealth? Go crunk! Let 'em know you're flossin'. Fuck saving for the future, you gotta put that Rolex on your wrist. Yeah, you can buy a fake one that looks real just a block away, but that ain't crunk! Riding the taxi, or worse yet... the bus? No way, better be in that new SL. They might as well just stop selling all other makers, cause Mercedes is the only acceptable ride to let people know you are sitting on some fat bank. And whatcha drinkin'? Get that local wine out of my face, we're sippin on Cognac. XO fool! No, I don't know how it's different that VSOP, but it costs more, so hook it up. Oh shit, my taste is hella refined. Bling bling! (actually, very little bling... seems like diamonds aren't popular here)

Every billboard in town was for either luxury cars, watches, or expensive liquor. Every block has some store selling watches and another selling that expensive booze. Every street was crowded with people showing off their wealth, or people jealous of others.



Yeah, so I went to Hong Kong last weekend. I'll write a proper report soon. Complete with stories of tailor pimps, fucked up Japanese style tours, the prostitute scene outside my hotel window, and fake Ed Hardy T-shirts.

Takao Isn't Nature

Mt. Takao.



It's touted as beautiful nature about 50 minutes from Shinjuku, which is the world's busiest train station. This is true. It's by far the closest hiking you can get to from the busy city. There are ample other places, maybe 90 minutes instead of 50, but they aren't as famous.



You see, Mt. Takao is famous for hiking to the top of a mountain. In Japan, this means that everyone knows about it. If everyone knows, then in turn it must be good. It's a cyclic relationship that fuels tourism and consumerism amongst the masses. But whatever, I wanted to see the koyo (autumn colors) on Takao. I've been to this mountain all other seasons of the year. 3 down, 1 to go.**



You have several options in your pursuit of famous mountain tops. Option 1 is to take the tram with all the old people. 90% of people take this. I shouldn't be so inconsiderate. It's not just for old people. Families who don't want their children to get exercise and girls in 4 inch heels might want to skip the hiking part. Not that I know what girls in 4 inch heels want. Besides Luis Vuitton. Which they already have.



Option 2 is the paved path. It's a hiking trail... I guess. It also doubles as a road for service vehicles to the shrines and soba noodle shops I guess. Actually, the shrines here are pretty tight the first time you see them.



Option 3 is an actual dirt trail. I've hiked the dirt trail almost every time I've been, so today I took the paved path. There was also a map at the station of places to see nice fall foliage, and it recommended this route. Actually, the colors kinda sucked on the way up. I was like 3 or 4 decent trees. Each with about 30 otaku camera dudes taking shots. It's very steep and I heard people cursing my long legs as I flew past them.



About 2/3 of the way up, it was suddenly like a line at Disneyland. This is when the tram people merge with the hiking people for the remaining couple of kilometers to the top. Don't worry, it's all flat at this point. Holy shit hella people. It was absurd. I went on a damn Wednesday, don't you people have jobs! If you go on a weekend or holiday... BEWARE




Here's the useful advice. Listen up! Once you reach the top... don't stop... the walk. Keep hiking to the next mountain. It's like 30-45 minutes further.



Ok, maybe like 1 hour. But there are some stairs at the beginning that scare away the old folks. I'm serious, I watched as people surveyed the steps, decided that the beauty of mother earth wasn't worth it, and turned back. You'll soon be quietly strolling through pristine Japanese maples and ginkgo trees.



Its not famous, and that's why its good.











I took the long way home, heading on to Lake Sagamiko instead of returning. There's a train station at Sagamiko that takes you straight back to Shinjuku.

Do you have any funny hiking stories?


**FYI, winter kinda sucks, there is snow. Summer has a beer garden. Spring has about a hundred "secret" cherry blossoms that bloom a month after Tokyo if you walk past the peak. Enjoy.

The Brownie Guy

Walking around the back streets of Kichijoji, found this guy with his bicycle やたい stand selling brownies.



He warned that they were a little sweet. Every time I've eaten a brownie in Japan it has been served with this warning.



I ate it later that night with a glass of cold milk.

Street food is always good. In America, there is almost no such thing, because of health regulations. Japan has more relaxed laws, so people can set up stands and sell food on the streets. China, which seems to have no laws about this, sells all sorts of crazy stuff out in the open. I hear similar reports about most south east Asian countries. Health concerns be damned, there is a mathematical formula where the lower the health regulations, the higher the sheer deliciousness of the cheap food.

Ever had some amazing street food?

Obama

I asked a private student of mine why she supports Obama. She said, "Because he is popular."

It is an interesting response, but totally expected. As I finished 5th period of Junior High, I heard my phone buzzing non-stop. There were about 15 text messages from various friends in Japan informing me of the victory. I let the staff know, and they were all happy. But things were summed up by one teacher's response, "I'm very happy, but I don't know anything about him."

オバマ

I like Japanese Game

(unrelated photos of a Doomodake art exhibit)



I often hang out in the halls of my Junior High in between classes, goofing around with the kids. I taught a whole class how to moonwalk during this 10 minute break a few months ago, so it's definitely worth it... for the kids. It's a time where we can try and communicate in a non-classroom environment.



So today a big group of boys are clowning around. It's been 6 months, so the kids are asking more personal stuff. Questions about sex, boobs, my cock. You know, typical topics for a 12 year old. Today they come up to me and...

"Mr. Brian! Look!"

Then the head of this pack, a young one who I will simply call Smiley, does a sort double handed pantomime of masturbating. It was precious, but as usual, I just played dumb.

"What's that? I don't know. わかりません!"

Then I said something that set it all off.



"Is that like a Japanese game or something?"

It sounds really bad when I write it, but 90% of break time is spent throwing balls, rock-scissor-papering (yeah, it's a verb), or ninja fighting. So to assume something is a game is a valid assumption.

The kids lose it. Smiley is rolling on the ground in laughter. 2 minutes later, and this group of 8 boys are simulating an orgy in the hallway, screaming "Japanese Game!!! Japanese Game!!!" Smiley was fervently dry humping his friend, who was taking it like a champ. I run for the hills (teacher room).



In class, I notice Smiley fellating his pen, letting everyone around him know about Japanese games. It looked kind of like he was brushing his teeth, which makes it kind of cute and scary at the same time. A few girls around him seemed to catch on to it, as they started with the giggles. Luckily today's lesson was telling time, and I transformed into a giant clock (just using my arms as hands on a clock... not that imaginative). The unnecessary use of cuckoo sounds temporarily subdued the rampant sinful thoughts ... for the time being.

I can just imagine him at home tonight at the dinner table. His mom asks him what he learned in school today. (His dad is still working)

"Mr. Brian taught me about... Japanese games. It's like, this awesome code word for all acts of sex. Mr. Brian is the best!"

Then I get arrested and lie to the police. I try and play dumb, as if I don't know what he's talking about. Then they find this blog and deport me. Good times!

Looping Mt. Fuji

I've been up it, down it, and along it. But never around it.



Beautiful, fast, well paved, and best of all, no traffic roads easily take you on a full loop of the majestic mountain.





It's very popular for motorcycle riders of all ages.



Lakes and waterfalls are close.



And some place called "Milk Land"









It's about a 4 hour trip, less if you don't stop. The November weather is fantastic during the day, and ice cold at night. Time your trip accordingly.

Kawagoe Fall Festival, 2008

Back again. Every year Kawagoe has a big ol festival in October. A memory I have is wandering around in the dead of night before the streets are full of people. Kawagoe has an interesting feel, especially at night. Drunk high school students, shady alleyways, and seedy gangsters rolling down the shopping street in low rider Toyota Centuries bumping crappy Japanese hip hop.

My New Ramen Blog

I've started a new site dedicated to giving you the straight dope on noodles in Tokyo. From now on I will post all my ramen writeups at:

Ramen Adventures
http://ramenadventures.blogspot.com



You can find ramen links and more than enough titillating ramen goodness to keep you going. Every time I eat ramen and have a camera with me to take some shots, I'll post it up for you. Word.